The Veil

{repost from 12/27/2020}

I speak often of the veil – the veil between heaven and earth.

When Michael died this veil was lifted in a way I’d never experienced. It first came as a great illumination of conscience. I saw my sins as they really are. Was Michael in purgatory, experiencing the same thing and that’s why I was getting but a taste? I do not know. But I do know that it was the most painful experience of my life. And that the veil exists to keep us alive for, if we were to see ourselves and God as they really are, we would legit die.

After that brief knowing, I never ever want to sin again.

At the same time, I was also given a taste of what Mary endured at the Cross. I was given a glimpse into how my sins crucified her Son and the pain she endured because of it. I also endured a similar piercing of my own heart in losing my only love. God said it was but a drop of what she embraced and yet it was enough to keep me prostrate in suffering – a sword’s pierce indeed.

And, at the same time of the two experiences above, I also faced an intense visit of the Holy Ghost. I could see Him with my spiritual eyes, in that place inside of me He came to reside. It was a visit that consumed me in extreme anticipation of what God was and is doing with all of our offerings – the biggest offering being Michael himself. The miracles He ministered to me about are proportional to the evil that is death endured.

Combining all of this with simply grieving my husband gave me a couple months of profound, guttural, crucifying, life. After coming out of it I retreated into the shell that is our home, walking my babies through their grief, tending to my own, and realizing the absolute gift that is pondering and fulfilling simple daily duties.

I’ve been trying to remain small and attentive, and God has come and made His home in our home – choosing to keep the veil lifted, allowing my kids and I to experience Heavenly realities in our physical and spiritual lives.

The suffering and grief are still so real and raw but the cross is made sweeter with the glimpses into the other side.

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