The fragility of life

{repost from 4/2021}

When Michael had his seizure and we were awaiting CT results, I was guaranteed certain that it was from stress. There was no other conceivable explanation, no thought of any other origin.

And then it was a softball sized tumor, actually, and my world shattered into a million pieces.

The fragility of life staring me square in the face.

A fragility whispering, “I am always here, nothing is guaranteed, it can all unravel at the drop of a hat.”

During those two weeks between seizure and surgery, I would lay sobbing next to Michael, holding his head in my hands, and all I would see it fragility. He saw that all would go well, nothing to worry about. Maybe this was how he coped. How he faced his own mortality as a husband and father, walking into brain surgery with his life, husband/fatherhood, job, self on the line.

But not me.

Nothing was sure anymore.

As we walked deeper into brain cancer, with the addition of CV, both life and his body walked the fragile line of uncertainty even more. For it could all unravel at the drop of a hat.

Everything in this world can unravel at the drop of a hat. Especially in the light of current events.

But I do not fear.

Life hangs on a thread, being supported solely by the Will of God. But here’s the kicker. HE IS SO MERCIFUL. He doesn’t pull the rug, bring down the fire, b/c of the faith of a few. He spares the many for the faith of a few.

In these Rogation Days (time of prayer ands penance before Ascension Thurs) we are reminded of the fragility of life. That blessings and crops and this world are all held in His Hands and it is OUR PRAYERS and OUR PENANCES that decided whether He will rain mercy or justice upon them.

It’s not enough to just want mercy and blessings. We must humbly implore for them, we must give ourselves in return for them.

Through my tears this morning, I offered Michael, my dreams, my longings in return for God’s mercy upon this world. And He whispered that He simply wanted my heart and so I’m trying to give that, too. All of it.

Jesus, take all of me, every part (gently please), and in return grant mercy to this broken world.

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