Tasting joy

{repost from 7/2021}

Back home after my birthday trip and I sure do miss the Airbnb dance parties. Back to embarrassing my kids in the grocery store. I mean, Whole Foods has legit the best 90’s music. I think I need to chat with the manager and get their playlist…

But what a place we are in. Sure the world is falling apart, and yes we are preparing for it, but (worldwide totalitarianism aside) we are doing great. Grief still washes ashore but less like a tsunami and more like the constant of lapping waves dancing around our feet. And in the midst of getting wet, we are learning to splash and play in the waters that used to consume us.

I alluded to this last week but we are all wanting things. It is weird to be in a place of wanting. We are used to surviving. Bracing for the next impact. Swallowing our breath so life doesn’t choke us to death. Wanting feels so amazing. Respite feels so amazing. Hope…so amazing.

And in wanting it is killing us all to wait.

It’s like we’ve tasted joy and a fresh start and all five of us want to dive in the deep end.

And our biggest temptation is to grasp and put it all together RIGHT NOW.

But then today, at the kitchen sink (always in the kitchen He speaks), I heard the word: pursue.

A word embodying the longing I have. I long to be pursued by God’s great unfolding.

Yes, I know He is constantly pursing. But these two (and more) years felt like we were pursuing His Providence…and survival and treatment and keeping him alive.

Now it’s our turn to be pursued.

Eve doubted and grasped. Ate, out of fear. I’ve done that before, too. It never ends well.

So now I take each and every one of our desires – the kids’ and mine included. I wrap them loosely and place them in His Sacred Heart. And I remind Him so gently of what was ministered to me after he died: miracles.

And I wait.

We wait.

And it feels like it did when I was back in college, waiting for life to unfold before me then. And the only prayer I prayed was: God, surprise me. Surprise me with your goodness. Surprise my kids.

In the meantime we keep chugging along, embracing the beauty of every moment. Content in today. And putting together more playlists for allthedanceparties.

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