Returning love for love

{repost from 7/2021}

Yesterday was kind of like all the perfect things rolled up in a pretty little bow.

I mean, I got to go to Mass, confession, have a Holy Hour, pray both my Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet, walk the dog by the water, hang with my bestie drinking sparkling rose, hit up sushi, trampoline it with the kids, and fall into bed at a decent hour.

However, sandwiched in between the immense joys were pangs of anger. And not at my life this time. It was anger at the state of the world. Anger at so many people being deceived. (If there is one thing I hate the most, it is seeing people deceived. Souls being lost to deception.) Anger at the God I love being mocked…our sins crying out to Him for vengeance.

And I had to turn off the phone and take a deep breath and let vengeance be His while also allowing Him to fire me up as Church Militant, as a soldier in Christ ready to lay her life down on the battlefield.

And that I am.

If there is one thing losing Michael did to me it was detach me from *everything.* Goodness I was holding on so tight to what I wanted life to be, good dreams even. And then he died. And my worldview was challenged and I have emerged from those flames with the knowing and desire that I AM ALL HIS.

Heaven, that is it. That is everything to me. It is the ecstasy my body is crying out for, the union I am pining for, the fulfillment of all my desires. It is my pearl of great price. And in my heart I have sold everything to acquire it.

Oh my sweet beautiful, God! How amazing you are! And how saddened I am how Your Heart is being wounded! I am so broken you took my beloved but that breaking broke me of everything else. And you filled me with the sweetest of loves. And I am ready to return that love in defense of You, Your Church, and this beautiful world you created to be a dim reflection of the world to await us on the other side of the veil.

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