Preparation for what we are to endure

{repost from 1/2021}

Before Michael was diagnosed I thought we were entering a time of resurrection for our family. Years of ominous suffering, things only a few know. Every ounce of our lives tested against the backdrop of sin and warfare, chastisement and mercy. Yet, we persisted and the dawn was breaking forth on the horizon.

And then, brain cancer.

And I realized that our sufferings were but a preparation for the suffering we were about to endure. Hope amidst the pain, we charged on, waiting for the dawn to break forth again. But each month things got harder, more suffering. More dashed hopes.

And then, he died.

And now I realize that all the sufferings of the past year are but a preparation for the sufferings yet to come.

That the loss of all we’ve endured, especially the loss of the most important thing in my world, and all the detachments, the longings for what’s on the other side of it all, will be the foundation of my ability, my children’s ability, to endure what’s to come.

That the dawning is not something here on earth, but rather my death into eternal life. That the fence posts of life are hardships. And that the only person to fear is myself…for it is but I who control the fate of my soul.

I’m not talking about politics or a sliver in time or anything that small. I’m talking about the great cataclysmic collide of good v. evil brewing since the beg. of time. When the scales fell from my eyes as a wee freshman in college, I saw it all then. The battle of our time laid before my budding heart. I saw it when we sold our house a couple yrs ago, for I knew we couldn’t weather the storms there. And I see it now.

I experienced this collide at 6:06am Aug. 20 and all of us in this world, whether we see it or not, are experiencing it now.

Despite all this, here’s what I know. Death will have it’s hour, yes. The Passion must be endured. Evil will stare us in the face and we have the choice to let it crush us or let it be the catalyst for greater holiness, greater merits in heaven, than if it never occurred.

And, if I but persevere, that long awaited hope of resurrection will assuredly be mine.

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