Let me tell you a little secret to finding joy no matter what happens, to getting your prayers answered always.
Before Michael was put on hospice we had walked through months of treatments, setbacks, loss, grief, and unanswered prayer after unanswered prayer. Every turn was a blow to our expectations, a blow to the longings and begging for him to turn a corner.
Thousands of us were rallying in prayer, asking Fr. Walter Ciszek for a miracle for his healing.
And then he died.
Before Michael was put on hospice I also had the grace of realization that I really have no idea what is best for me, for him, for our family, for any of us. In the past we, like all people, made decisions and chose things we thought were good and right but ending up blowing up in our faces. And there were times we experienced circumstances I thought were horrible but rather were actually great graces.
God, this life, is backwards from what we think, that’s all I know.
So I remember sitting there in my blue chair with my Abandonment to Divine Providence and he was upstairs so close to death and I was holding so much of what I wanted, him only him, and also the peace of knowing that what happened was more than supposed to be.
It would be the Will of God.
My life is nothing how I ever pictured or ever desired it to be. My only love is gone. Every cell of my body confused and searching for respite. And given the state of the world who knows what’s around the apocalyptic corner.
And yet. And yet, I have more peace than I have ever had.
Yes, I am grieving and sitting in the flames. Yes, I am longing for the desires of my heart to be fulfilled. (So many beautiful desires.) Yes, I am human and feeling every human emotion.
And yet, I have more peace than I ever have.
So, here’s the secret, I seek the Holy Ghost to ask for what I should be praying for and I ask big…but I also ask for the same, abundant, joy and peace should I receive a different outcome.
(This only works if believe God to be nothing other than GOOD. Which I believe with all my heart.)
And do you know how much God loves that prayer? That you should so boldly and persistently ask because He can do anything and yet be so trusting that you know He knows better?
There are many, most, of us who are sitting in lives we didn’t picture. Infertility, single and wanting a spouse, lives falling apart, husband’s dying, anxious, worried, stressed, sad. If we but simply carry out our daily duties to the best of our ability and keep asking for the big things we want and then trusting it’ll all work out as it is supposed to, we will have peace.