Memento Mori

{repost from 2/2021}

Remember, man + that thou art dust, and unto dust you shall return.

The first year I am delighted for Lent. Standing over the kitchen sink, where most of God’s whispers reach my heart, I felt a twinge of excitement last night at the days to come. I guess when your days and life are already a purifying fire, and you know that this fire is an all-consuming Love (even when it feels like pain…), you look forward to the fire reaching even more parts of you.

And God’s love is indeed a fire of union.

On earth this love it is meant to be refining and purifying. In hell, it is agonizing and tormenting. In heaven, beatific and enrapturing.

Before Mass I went confession and in that dark place where my sins were laid at His feet, God answered a prayer that I’ve been wrestling and struggling with, praying for discernment and wisdom and just waiting. I knew He would answer. He always does. I just never know how or when. And I always smile and laugh when He whispers because it’s always at the oddest places and times. (Now for the courage to follow through…)

After Mass we went to visit Michael’s grave and Avila caught this picture of me. I know what I was thinking: Michael, is your body dust??

The ashes on my forehead to remind me of the fate of my other half, a fate I long for more than anything. Not death itself, per say, but the doorway. The birth to where this fire doesn’t feel so painful and purgative. Where it becomes eternal joy.

And this is what it means to choose heaven. It is to long for that union with Him more than anything. To let the fire of life be embraced in love. When we resist or fight it, this fire devours instead of purifies, becoming tortuous.

It is in realizing the Way is all about love that we see the Cross in a different light. An instrument of torture used as a saving grace. Death to Resurrection.

As I walk these 40 days and however many more until my own days of dust, I will keep the images of Michael in the earth, the realities of fire, and the goal I am seeking to attain in front of me.

Memento Mori.

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