Little Lute Linebacker

{repost from 4/2021}

I thought about getting a dog for months before pulling the trigger. The thoughts started swirling after Michael died. It was a big decision but long story short this was the right puppy and the right time and my prayer was that he would be a blessing for our family. I’m already maxed out on taking care of things/people/life on my own (yes I have help…I always have to say that because some people think the answer to this woe is just to get help but it’s more than that…) and I was worried a 4 legged creature would send me over the edge.

Sure, he’s a puppy but he’s also been the best little thing to add some sweetness, love, and distraction to our life.

In choosing what kind of dog to get I was leaning two opposite directions. The first was this little guy, an Australian Labradoodle. His mom was a therapy dog and I knew his breed and temperament would be great for us. And then, on the other hand, I was drawn to getting a big burly guard dog. I researched and researched different guard dog breeds and was so drawn to them and then I realized something: I was actually looking for something to take care of *ME*.

For so long it’s been Kristine…the mom (and now the only parent), the caregiver. For almost two years I have longed for the normalcy of husband/wife/family. For almost two years I have had to do all the driving and providing for the wellbeing of my family. I’ve had my world turned upside down and I simply longed to rest in the arms of…something. To have something protect and look out for me. Even if it was a barking, shedding dog lol.

Don’t get me wrong, taking care of Michael was the biggest gift of my life. I would shave and bathe and dress him for 80 more years if I could. It is an intimacy and love I cannot explain. And yet, my longings for him and I to be rightly ordered always ran alongside the caregiving and my body and soul are tired.

Who knew mulling over a puppy would bring up so much. But this is life. Interwoven in the simple things is more profound lessons. Seeing more of ourselves in light of daily musings.

Lute has been our light and, while he may not be fierce and burly, he sure is taking care of us with his mere (freakishly adorable) presence.

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