I see you

{repost from 6/2021}

My heart comes alive in the evening.

As the day is dimming, she is awakening.

Her little heart thoughts swirling and searching for a place to land. There is no other half here to land on and no other place here to land on, other than her head which is already too full.

So sometimes they land on a keyboard.

Tonight this little heart is holding all the different paths we’ve walked these past almost 2 years.

Adoption (and adoption loss), cancer, job loss, caregiving, hospice…and more…all of these things transformed me. They all were monumental life changes in and of themselves. They all happened at the same time.

As I continue to walk this road toward eternal rest and more processing occurs in my heart and mind and soul, some of these topics will get touched upon as I put my thoughts on “paper.”

But if you are walking these roads now, and other things too, I want you to know that I see you.

I see your suffering.

I see the ways you do the best you can.

I see how you’re trying to make decisions, not knowing how it’ll all turn out.

I see how you are just trying to survive.

I see your hope and your anger…often in the same breath.

I see you.

In my own journey I have learned to trust most those who have suffered. Those who have kissed the cross because this kiss changes the way you see the world, the way you see and relate to others.

And one of the biggest reasons I am grateful for my crosses is because it creates an intimacy with both stranger and friend that wouldn’t have existed if my life were easy.

Honestly, I’d probably be a pretty judgmental person if my life didn’t have these experiences.

Instead, what I have been through has lowered me so low to the ground that I see my absolute nothingness. I see the gift in everything. I see how I have cooperated with grace, yes, but also that I am above nothing and no one. Of course there are times I have greatly failed in my charity, but even these failures are meant to teach me that I cannot even love without His help.

Suffering is the universal language. And so is hope. And as you are suffering and hoping I want you to know that I see you.

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