Facing Grief

From lover to nurse

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 7/2021} Oh, to be a caregiver. To go from lover to nurse. To walk the road of cancer. For 11 months, from diagnosis to his death, this is the path we endured. Michael suffered his own journey – one of life threatening reaction after another. Of physical pain and suffering. Of losing his mind, his…

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Then there was only love

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 7/2021} As wives we do all the things to take care of our husbands. Packing lunches and ironing shirts (including the time the steamer gave me third degree burns) and planning date nights. (But I’m not a wife now, so I guess my version is past tense…) We do it because we love them and…

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Watch Out World!

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 7/2021} In chatting with a few people lately I’ve heard the same response, “you seem different. Lighter. Happier.” And it’s true. Whether it’s origin is sun, hope, dance parties, respite, or grace, an infusion of excitement has been poured upon my mind and heart. A cloud has been lifted. I’m not naive enough to think…

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Living the cross

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 6/2021} As I was driving home from my therapist’s office this morning, eyes red from the tears I finally let shed over new things I’m starting to grieve, I passed by a funeral home. I saw a minivan pull into the parking lot and the van looked eerily familiar and then I saw it back…

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Breathing through the pain

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 6/2021} My husband is dead. Words that flash in my mind at seemingly random moments, bearing the weight of saying something like “eternity never ends…its forever and ever and ever.” And having the chill run up and down my spine and reality hit me square in the face. I am not strong any more. I…

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The widow’s life

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 5/2021} Fire fire fire fire fire. This is life. This is the widow’s life. This is the Christian life. Burning, consuming, destroying, renewing, refining. I need to start bringing a journal to Mass. The fire of the Holy Ghost pouring flames upon my mind and heart, consuming my thoughts in between the Word, making my…

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Rising from the ashes

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 5/2021} We had some family here last week and my aunt and I were walking and talking at the beach and I told her what a mystifying experience it was simultaneously living in the past while being built into a new creation. That parts of me, or maybe it’s moments of me, are back there…reliving,…

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The cross is where I remain

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 5/2021} I know now. I know, I know, I know. I know why the suffering. I know why. It is so late and my mind won’t turn off and in just a few hours the dawn will bring 9 months since his soul took flight. Since his body last laid next to our bed. Since…

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8 months

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 4/2021} Twice now I have almost picked up my phone to call him. Once was last week, when I got to Idaho to chill with my bestie. I set my suitcase down and thought, “I need to give him a ring to tell him about my flight!” And the other was yesterday, walking into our…

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Another Saturday

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 3/2021} It’s late Saturday night. I made it through another Saturday. Saturday’s are so tough. So so tough. The mornings full of football games and errands and days of house cleaning and cars and chores (all the things he used to to and now I must) and the time when families are usually all together…

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