Embracing the beautiful mess

{repost from 1/2021}

This morning I was praying and I thought of Michael (like I always do) and I thought of his birth and his death and then it hit me:

If there is any person who embodies the notion we should protect life from conception to natural death it would be my late husband.

Michael was adopted. It’s his story, his (amazing) birth mother’s story, to tell so I won’t give details but he was given life when many who would oppose abortion would still advocate for “these exceptional cases.” He was in foster care for 6 weeks. His name was George. (George Michael is what I called him when I wanted to piss him off lol.) He was adopted into a great family and was raised to become the man I married.

When Michael was put on Hospice we knew that, barring a miracle, he was declining towards the end. There are many who’d say, “let’s just put him out of his pain. No one should suffer like that, especially after all he’s been through.”

But I can tell you that those last 6 weeks were the most beautiful, most holy, mast sacred and fruitful weeks of our lives. That the fruits of those weeks and sufferings are a milestone in the lives of myself and our kids and in all who have been touched by them.

I see my beautiful man and I think, despite…no, BEACUSE…of his origin and his end his life will reverberate fruits for eternity. That God takes all the mess and makes a masterpiece.

And yet, I get it. I get why women feel they have no choice. I get why people don’t want to suffer anymore. I’ve not had an abortion and not sure if I’ll ever tell my full story but I know what it’s like to have my body, my uterus, ravaged and destroyed by doctors who told me I had no choice. I know what it’s like to look at my life, with my sick husband, and say that I just don’t want him to suffer anymore. So, everything I speak of comes from experience. I don’t lean on banalities or cliches, but rather my own life, and that I want to offer another way, a way different than what our world proposes.

Life is messy and hard. But it’s also so beautiful. And the reason we should protect life, in all forms and stages, is that we would be missing out on so much beauty should we only try to get rid of the mess.

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