Dialogue with God

{repost from 10/2021}

“And take unto you the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God.” Eph 6:10-17 Epistle, 21st Sunday after Pentecost

Today is one of those days where I could write volumes. Where the lows of earth and the heights of heaven collide to form a picture of life that is too much to describe.

But I won’t bore you with volumes. Just snippets. I ponder the volumes at least and the full picture of it won’t be ready until the end of time, anyway.

When God and I talk, it is in words of Scripture. And tho I don’t dialogue with the father of lies, when he shoots his arrows I respond with Scripture. The sword, the Word.

My dialogue with God is sometimes back and forth. But more often than not I mull something over, I sit with a human emotion, or I steep in my dim understanding and a few words swirl to encapsulate it all. And then His response comes in a verse, sometimes heard more often read.

Let me give you an example.

For a while I could be found (silently or reeeally loud) saying, I HATE MY LIFE. I hate it I hate it I hate it. It was deeper than wallowing, more like a physical response to seeing nothing that can quench the hunger and thirst in what I long for.

And then I opened my prayer book and saw John 12:25.

“He that hateth his life in this world, shall keep it unto life eternal.”

And every time this happens I see how even earthly muck is used for His glory, for something better than if it never happened.

My grief morphing into so many other things, I see how those things are now lessons. Anger, pride, stubbornness, loneliness, exhaustion, the arrows of despair…all bringing me low, so low, so I may be raised by His Word.

His Word written for me today in both the Epistle and Gospel. His Word saying, “feel it, be brought low. Recognize your nothingness without Me. Let me show you the Way.”

And I put on my armor of the Word and I beg for the grace of forgiveness.

And with my armor and the graces and hating my life, I will be ever the more ready for my true home, in the Word Eternal.

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