Blog

Why suffering?

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 1/6/2021} There have been a handful of revelations God has ministered to me over the course of these past few months. One of them is part of “the answer” to why He allows suffering. To why He lets those who love Him so much, those who try to remain faithful and in the trenches, to…

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The Veil

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 12/27/2020} I speak often of the veil – the veil between heaven and earth. When Michael died this veil was lifted in a way I’d never experienced. It first came as a great illumination of conscience. I saw my sins as they really are. Was Michael in purgatory, experiencing the same thing and that’s why…

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The piercing of the heart

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 12/1/2020} How do you put into limiting words, that which is the limitless experience of the sword piercing the heart? I’ve tried, trust me. I write pages and then stop before my sentence is even finished for I don’t know how to capture it all. And now I know why Mary pondered it all in…

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To Do and To Suffer

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 11/1/2020} “All the science of the saints is included in these two things: to do and to suffer. And whoever has done these two things best has made himself most saintly.” St. Francis de Sales. We are doing and we are suffering. We are not saints but we are a family who keeps rising from…

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Life Under Our Roof

November 22, 2021 |

{repost from 10/22/2020} I don’t really know how to start an update other than to just jump in. No magical words, no sentiment could capture life under our roof but I’ll try. Mostly to stay connected. Losing a spouse is a lonely gig and, while my inner circle is amazing, it’s still quite often just me and…

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Veiled in Beauty

October 26, 2021 |

Imagine getting to feel just as beautiful as on your wedding day. Walking down the aisle, veiled in lace towards your bridegroom. Now imagine getting to experience this weekly…or more. I’ve spoken before about my experience with veiling at Mass but a particular nuance just struck me not long ago: that I feel most beautiful when I…

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On Repentance and Offerings

October 26, 2021 |

I see our Mother weeping and our Father so angry and I wish I could offer more to wipe her tears and stay His Hand. On May 1, driving to UW for Michael’s appt and ultimate ER/Hospital stay/Brain infection/beg. of the end, I was toying with offering to God our situation moving forward for the conversion of…

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Joy breaking forth

June 26, 2021 |

One thing I’ve only recently come to accept is any sort of joy in life. Those things that make me laugh, smile, hope, rejoice. After Michael died I hated hearing about those things, because living in my sadness kept me closer to him. And rightly so. (Although the day after he died my best friend surprised me…

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On Always Getting Your Prayer Answered

June 26, 2021 |

Let me tell you a little secret to finding joy no matter what happens, to getting your prayers answered always. Before Michael was put on hospice we had walked through months of treatments, setbacks, loss, grief, and unanswered prayer after unanswered prayer. Every turn was a blow to our expectations, a blow to the longings and begging…

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Those Left Behind

June 26, 2021 |

Death can do many things to those left behind. If Michael’s death has done one thing it has severed our ties to this earth, for we simply want to be there with him, with God, not a moment delayed nor anything foolish yielded on our end to prevent our own entry into heaven. I am quite bewildered…

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