All the grace

{repost from 6/2021}

The grace is palpable in our home.

Help me, help me, help me is what I say with every other breath.

And He is.

Help me raise these kids. Help me have clarity in how to lead them. Help me be patient. Help me.

And He is helping me and Michael is still helping me.

With their permission I would love to start sharing about our kids.

They simply blow me away.

And it’s all grace.

Their own hearts shattered by what they’ve had to walk through these past two years: dad getting sick and not going back to work, dad looking and sounding different, dad dying. The gossip they heard and had to endure. The sibling they lost in a failed adoption. The ways they were strengthened to bear a cross most adults would crumble under.

They have borne it, are bearing it, and they are the ones leading me to heaven.

“I miss dad so much but I am so happy for him.” (Levi)

“When I’m a martyr I want to die saying the Apostles creed.” (Lourdes)

“Mom, I prayed a Rosary on my own this morning.” (Maximilian)

“I want to be a missionary (in a cool van).” (Avila)

I always said I could never take away their sadness but I could try to minimize their trauma. Honesty all along the way, including them in everything, pushing them when they were stuck, leading them to every Sacrament I possibly can…for in these lie the grace they are thriving off of.

My kids are far from perfect. They are normal children navigating a tough world and do normal (annoying) kid/teenager things. But never, never ever, underestimate the power of grace. Never doubt the power of God to transform the darkest of situations into life-giving, light filled ones.

In the midst of my own pain, these kids keep me going. To lead them to the highest place in heaven God has destined for them is my aim. And I beg for the help to get them there.

For the Sacramental grace to fill the holes of loss, for God to be their Father, and for my own self to be reminded that, to enter the Kingdom of God, we must become like children.

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